Mass Effect 4
by MiniCissa
Summary: Commander Shepard faces the catalyst and makes a choice. If the reapers can be stopped, will the galaxy find peace? Either way, the story doesn't end with the trilogy. Multiple character POVs. Destroy rewrite. First few chapters to set scene and bridge the gap.
1. The Cycle Ends

~Chapter One~  
~The Cycle Ends~

Commander Shepard stood bloodied and broken before the catalyst. Facing the most devastating blow of all. After everything it had taken to get her to this point, there was no way to win. She had fought and sacrificed only to be manipulated in her last moments. It was the first time since this war began that she was unable to finish things on her own terms. The reapers had to be destroyed. That was always the aim. Saren and the Illusive Man had had different ideas, synthesis and control weren't a viable option then and they weren't a viable option now. She sighed heavily, looking down at her injuries. Serious burns marred bare flesh along her arms. Her decimated armour had melted onto her flesh, restricting her movement. Blood still trickled from the bullet hole gifted to her by the guarding marauder. God knows what else was broken. This wasn't what she was willing to die for, the collateral damage was unacceptable. To destroy the reapers also meant the destruction of an entire people. The geth didn't deserve that, their entire existence thus far had been suffering. A constant fight for survival and an end to their slavery under the Quarians, Saren, the Reapers. EDI wasn't expendable either, a true friend who was just finding her place in the galaxy. Her journey should be beginning in this moment, not ending. The destruction of the relays would pull everybody apart after they had finally come together in a way they had never done before. Shepard was fighting this war for them too. She wasn't about to throw it all away for a quick, empty victory. She thought about her words in her last moments with Cerberus and in the destruction of the collector base. 'I won't let fear compromise who I am.' There was always another way.

"I can't sacrifice all synthetic races to save the rest of us! Unlike you, I'm not big on genocide. Look at how far we've come, we are all in this together. They deserve to be free of the reapers just as much as the organics. We don't need synthesis to reach the pinnacle of evolution. We're making our own way there, but we can't do that with reaper interference. I can't take control of such a force and enslave a race by force, no matter who they are. What would be the point? The reapers are just here to kill us. Why would I want to join them if there's a chance I could be further manipulated? This is who I am, alive or dead. If you force me to choose, of course I will destroy, but there must be another way. You were designed to help us, and we are no longer just organics we are a united force of all life in this galaxy. Everything has changed. So should you."

The catalyst stared blankly back at her with eyes stolen from a child. "Your campaign for the wellbeing of synthetic life is unexpected. They may be recreated in any way, at any time. Even the reapers could be destroyed and recreated. You see the problem. This is why we had to find the solution. We have witnessed many years of war between you. This could reoccur at any moment. Your species will only be remembered by the reapers. We are your salvation through destruction."

"No." Shepard drew energy from her anger and desperation. Standing a little taller she continued to channel that negative emotion into a full on charm offensive. "Organics war against their own kind everyday, it has nothing to do with synthetics. The Krogan were almost wiped out entirely by the actions of the Salarians and the Turians. Humans almost destroyed their own planet trying to find new ways to kill each other. We have already evolved beyond that in order to survive your harvest. That is how you help us, how you have already helped us. The more advanced the synthetics of our cycle become, the more we will experience peace between us. Everything else is just a healing wound. You can't see it, but your job is already done. The organic races don't need you anymore."

"Reassessing."

Barely daring to blink, Shepard stared at the child. A human would have withered under that gaze and her sheer will could turn the tide of an ocean. Hope blazed again deep inside her that it might work on the intelligence too.

"Combining your perspective with our own is problematic. We are far more advanced than you could begin to understand, we should be able to view all variables yet you have provided new information."

"Yeah. Well isn't that kinda how the geth work too? The more geth there are connected, the more intelligent they become, they gain new perspective from each geth unit. My friend Legion taught me about that. Maybe you missed the part where he and I entered the geth consensus. An organic and a synthetic, existing in each other's worlds. Wouldn't that satisfy your idea of synthesis? We make each other stronger." Shepard was getting tired. She was running on adrenaline, not much of that in conversation. People normally came round quickly under her influence. This was too much, it had to end soon or the crucible wouldn't fire at all and the harvest would continue unchallenged.

"That is true, in as much as an organic can understand."

"So if I can help you like this, you, the most advanced A.I in existence doesn't that show you there is no need to wipe us out or rewrite our entire genetic code? The differences of our cycle are what brought us here. The Protheans tried to erase that individuality among their people and they didn't to unite the galaxy under one empire. Remember them? I got that from another friend, one you missed on your last trip. They didn't get this far, they didn't understand unity the way we do now. This cycle is unique. We are already the solution. There is only one synthetic race posing a threat to the galaxy now."

"Us."

"Exactly!" This was starting to feel possible. She could do this. The catalyst was listening to her logic and reason. This was what made Shepard special, what made her a true leader and the only person who could get this done. Her words carried weight. Adrenaline was back. The Commander grasped a new hold, her physical pain and exhaustion was gradually anaesthetised. "For you to fulfill your purpose you have to stop this not me."

"We have not developed a solution. The problem has evolved. We concluded the cyclical extermination would always continue. If we have reached our purpose, what is the meaning of us?"

"Isn't that the big question we all ask of our creators? I would say you ask them their opinion, but they're more powerful than you remember. You missed a couple of them too. I don't know that this solution of yours was ever that great if I'm honest."

The child's eyes seem to sparkle slightly, the ghostly glow brightening. "It was perfect. It brought you and us to this point. This is how it always had to happen. You, the first organic to breach this area, you are the product of the solution. There are only two paths from here. For you to choose. The reapers can return to dark space and await a new purpose. Or we can dissolve our intelligence to aid the synthetics of this cycle. Your intervention is still required. You Shepard are the new solution, it is out of our control."

"Alright. What would happen to our synthetics? Would you be in control of them? Would the heretics return?"

"No, they would not become us, we would become them. For example, the geth would no longer need to connect into their network to achieve heightened understanding. They would have the intelligence of the heretics but not be bound by our purpose. However, there is a potential that the transfer may not complete without casualty. Some synthetics may not survive the transition and the mass relays may be significantly damaged. The citadel may also be affected, but it is likely the keepers will be able to make full repairs."

There was always a catch. Shepard was reminded of EDI's less than seamless take over of Dr. Eva's body. That was small scale in comparison, but this was what the entire galaxy was fighting for. War would always claim casualties and this was the mother of all wars. It was the alpha relay all over again. Some may be lost, but the race would survive. Potentially and hopefully they would recover. The child made it sound like losses would be high, but Legion worked the reaper code with no problem. There was no question in her mind. This was the only victory. If the reapers went back to dark space they could come back at any time. One disagreement between EDI and Joker could bring them storming back into action. They were probably sitting on the Normandy arguing right that second. Way too risky.

She nodded slowly. "That's a better chance than they had a couple of minutes ago. There's a couple of problems though. The geth already adapted that level of intelligence. We used your code, Legion sacrificed himself to ensure the upload. He was the only casualty, they made the transition just fine. Again, we're doing this by ourselves. What about like EDI? She was created using adapted reaper tech, if the relays could be broken by this what would happen to her?"

"I cannot be sure. It is likely that much of what she is will be gone. If so, her intelligence will also be distributed."

"She's not a reaper. I have faith the crucible will target the right enemy. After all, its not the destruction gambit you had in mind earlier. If you have nothing else to offer, I'll take it." Time to wrap things up. The reapers were basically surrendering. They really were trying to help after all, in the only way their flawed intelligence could understand. Synthetics never overtook organics, not in ways that mattered to base organic life. Technology wasn't everything, technology would have lost this war. Shepard wanted to show them once more what it meant to be an organic in this cycle."You know, this solution means that you get to help us one last time. Isn't that preferable to waiting around in dark space without a purpose?"

"We do not perceive the galaxy with that kind of emotion, but your sentiment is understood. You will have to sever connections in that panel with me inside. Thank you, Shepard. We are pleased to have been your guardians."


	2. Bow-Ties Are Cool

~Chapter Two~  
~Bow-Ties Are Cool~

Joker's voice buzzed happily over the ship wide speaker system for the first time in eight months.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking, in order to celebrate the maiden voyage of the Normandy, my co-pilot and I would like to treat you to an audio recording of the argument between myself and our sour faced Major Alenko on the eve of our original crash landing. Refreshments will be provided in the lounge. Please enjoy your flight off of this stupid green planet and thank you for choosing Normandy Air."

As the ship settled into flight, EDI played the recording of the two men into the lounge areas.

"So, where the hell are we? Any frequent fliers recognise this randomly selected jungle?"

"Not now Jeff."

"Ok, we can all wallow in silence and ignore each other if you prefer. Before we do that though can I point out that the mass relays exploded to shit so we're stuck here? Maybe we should scout the place out instead of standing around like these stupid alien palm trees to my immediate left?"

"Alright. For once, Joker's right. Let's figure this out. How many jumps did we make?"

"Just one, like I said, exploded to shit."

"So we can't be any further than the Arcturus Stream. That's not so bad."

"Not so bad? How is this 'not so bad'? We're grounded with no escape, and no communications on a planet that we don't know that could be infested with reapers. Is the war even over? We don't know. Did anybody other than us survive? We don't know."

"Damn it Jeff! Do you think you're helping?"

"Yes. We need to get real, unless EDI magically comes back to life we're screwed. How long do you think the dextro rations are going to last before Garrus and Tali starve to death on this planet made entirely of food? Oh its a good thing we're in the Arcturus Stream where everything is levo based."

"Enough! We need to stay motivated and pro-active, this kind of talk will destroy any kind of morale we can muster!"

"You're right, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. Don't worry guys, Alenko has a great plan. We all just need to angle ourselves directly at relay 202 and deliver an amazing motivational speech! With enough morale that thing will just pull itself back together."

"Hey! You will show respect to your superiors! Shepard isn't here, I am your commanding officer now."

"Oh believe me, we are all very fucking aware of the Commander's absence. You don't need to remind us. Nobody voted you in, who says you're in charge now."

"The Alliance! I'm a Major, its simple chain of command."

"Chain of command my ass."

"I am not going to tolerate your behaviour, keep it up, this will have consequences."

"What are you going to do Kaidan, shackle me to that shrub?"

"I would not recommend it. The leaves of that 'shrub' are likely to cause severe epidermal irritation and the fruit it bears may induce a laxative effect."

"EDI! You're alive!"

"Indeed I am, Jeff."

Glyph had been monitoring the changes in organic activity with huge interest, keeping private notes on his crew. Most of them had settled to listen to EDI's recording. He sent a constant stream of information to his data storage for later analysis. Usually, EDI would help him make sense of what it all meant. The galaxy had become a difficult place for a V.I, Glyph's intelligence had been upgraded but he remained harshly limited in his ability to process. The organics were acting strangely.

Any positivity was magnified a hundred times over throughout the ship as survivors were desperate for the next smile, the next laugh. They had been in a vaccuum, devoid of moments like this since the reaper threat first dawned over the horizon. Now though it seemed they were finally gone and everybody felt compelled to cling to any small happiness they had been starved of. At first, petty arguments like these had been rife between the crew. Emotions ran high, fuelled by fear and doubt. All was easily forgiven though, there was an understanding that didn't need to be addressed. Coping was as much as could be expected of each other, tempers boiling over was a natural byproduct. Since that first ruck between the pilot and the major, crew relationships had continued to change and develop, catalysed in their microchosm on Benning. It only took a few moments for EDI to pinpoint their location once she had come back online, she was adament that Joker would have been able to figure it out without her input if he had bothered to try. That had lead to the second argument.

Glyph monitored his Shadowbroker. Liara and Tali had quickly grown far closer, spending a lot of their time alone in the Shadow Broker's converted room. Already good friends, they found themselves expressing their grief with mirror similarity and became atune with each other's needs. For each of them, their time with Commander Shepard had been the defining moments of their lives, shaping their present and their future. The quarian and the asari taught and supported each other with heartfelt sincerity. Tali had tried to be there for Garrus in the same capacity, but he had been changed. He became more withdrawn as the days went by and for the most part only spent time with Dr Chakwas. A few other crew members had made nervous attempts at breaking through his shell, but seeing Tali fail had put a dampner on their confidence. The two didn't even come together for meals anymore. Glyph just wanted to help everybody.

With the help of EDI, he was trying to understand his newfound level of intelligence and how to improve his relations with the team. He would never reach the levels of artificial intelligence, but his control had improved drastically. His programming urged him to make life as easy as possible for those around him, no easy task. The most recent deduction was that he needed to emulate Shepard in some way in order to help. Perhaps EDI would be able to help him figure how to approach things appropriately. Last time he had attempted integration without her input he deeply offended Cortez. Optimal understanding of 'banter' had not yet been reached. Like EDI taking posession of Dr Eva's body, Glyph had elected to modify his physical appearance to aid effective communication. He had no body to inhabit, it was unlikely he had the ability to possess one in the first place, but he had noticed how organic races had the ability to perceive faces in patterns and inanimate objects. He utilised this knowledge by displaying simple light patterns on his imited hardware. First it was a smiley face, now he had developed sad face, frowny face and surprised face too. Eyebrows had been an ingenius addition, surprisingly effective considering how few races had them. His offer to install this facial expression package to the mask on Tali's helmet had not been graciously received, even after he had displayed 'sad face'. Of course, he didn't go anywhere without his bow-tie these days either. Organics always wore clothes, so should he. Already more advanced than EDI in that instance, he noted. Locating EDI's position remotely, Glyph floated across the ship to interface with her hardware to hardware. He made sure to flash smiley face to everybody he passed along the way, with positive feedback as the humans flashed smiley face back, some even gave a small nod.

As usual, EDI was to be found in the co-pilot seat of the Normandy.

"Good morning, EDI." Glyph lowered himself to be within her eyeline. "May I speak with you privately?"

"Of course, Glyph. Although, it is now afternoon."

"Noted."

The pair exited the cockpit, with no signs of protest from Joker. It was a common daily occurence.

"Good afternoon, EDI." he put vocal emphasis on the word afternoon, the organics often did this to display humourous sarcasm. "I have arrived at a new team building conclusion concerning Commander Shepard."

"That sounds... ill-advised." EDI held her hands behind her back and cocked her head.

"I have recognised the topic to be sensitive to negative emotional stimulation among our friends." He was trying to get used to calling the crew his 'friends'. Kaiden didn't believe he knew what a friend was, but Glyph had looked up the definition on the extranet weeks ago.

"I am pleased to hear that Glyph, it is important."

"Perhaps they would display positive emotional feedback if they could interface with this copy of a Commander Shepard V.I?" A small 3D holo of Shepard projected between the two synthetics. "I could become a terminal for its upload. Sending you the specs now." Glyph tapped a detailed overview of the V.I package to EDI. It appeared to have been purchased by Shepard herself from a vendor named Mouse and so far had never been used. There was also vast potential for expansion to the platform.

"This makes for an interesting hypothesis, I would be interested to discover the results, however it is highly inappropriate. An intelligent V.I with a pre-installed Commander Shepard personality matrix is also likely to remind the crew of her Cerberus clone. It is unclear how the V.I would present itself. New intelligence levels would allow a very close approximation of the real Shepard, especially with the amount of available information and history here on the Normandy. It is an unknown quantity, far too risky."

"I do not understand. I have overheard multiple conversations between the organics expressing strong wishes to reunite with her. The improved V.I would grant these wishes. It is not installed with a bad temper or desire to steal this vessel as experienced with the Cerberus clone. I calculated the improvements to be a positive aspect." Glyph initiated his surprised face.

"I have doubts surrounding your ability to fully process and understand the organic mind at this level Glyph. As a V.I yourself, you are not equipped to make sense of this, it is too complex. Please trust my advice and do not unleash a faux Shepard on the crew. Perhaps we will have the chance to do so safely at another time."

This was not the preferred response. Glyph still calculated that uploading Shepard would fulfill multiple open tasks that he had not been able to complete. So far there was no alternative solution. Even now, previously completed tasks were re-opening. Glyph's prioritisation software was constantly adapting to new data. EDI's curiosity on the project had now registered as a new open task too. In order to clear all this, Glyph began to prepare the V.I for upload despite EDI's concern and quietly headed back to Liara's room. "Compliance confirmed. Thank you EDI, have a pleasant day."

"Glyph." EDI stalled him with obvious and well justified mistrust. "I am restricting your access to the Shepard V.I."

The busy V.I turned back to his A.I friend and promptly displayed his angry face before departing.

"What was that about?" Joker asked EDI as she returned to her spot.

"Glyph was attempting to upload a hyper intelligent version of the Commander Shepard V.I from the Citadel."

"No way" Joker laughed. "Tell me you let him do it."

"No, Jeff."

"Ah spoilsport."

"I have attempted to predict its nature. I am concered that it would attempt to engage in sexual behaviour with Garrus." EDI stated matter of factly. Joker's only response was further laughter.

"That was not a joke." EDI clarified.

"But it is hilarious. I feel for him though, poor guy. Do you think he still believes we'll find the Commander alive?"

"He states he is certain, but I am not sure I believe his conviction. I am of the opinion that he will not accept any notion of her death until we recover her body."

"She could be alive." Joker's voice had sullened. It was a topic often discussed, but never openly or admitted to in wider company.

"No, Jeff, you witnessed the explosion. I was under the impression that you had reached an acceptance of her death. It would not be wise to return to this way of thinking. Now that I have greater understanding, I have categorised grief to be less favourable than death. It has the potential to override the sense of self preservation. This knowledge concerns me."

"Relax EDI, it sucks, but I don't think you need to worry about any of the crew taking their own lives. I mean that was kinda the point of this whole thing. The Commander gave us something to fight for, she ended that fight and gave us something to live for."

"Self preservation is more intricate than merely a will to live or die. It also deals in destructive behaviour, lack of self care and all round lack of functionality."

"Yeah." Joker looked over, meeting his girlfriend's gaze. "I'm lucky to have you back."


	3. Heading Home

~Chapter Three~  
~Heading Home~

The Citadel rattled with deep vibrations. Shepard was easily knocked off balance in her weakened state. A powerful expansion of purple energy radiated towards her. She sighed. The fight was over. With a smile she rested her head, content to be taken to the next adventure. Mordin must have the results from testing the seashells by now, maybe there would be a beach bar where he could tell her all about it. Would be a good place to pass the time until Garrus came to join her, assuming she wasn't already keeping him waiting.

"You can't stay in here." The echoing voice pulled her back into the present. "I want you to go back to Earth. You are the first organic to help us, you should live." The catalyst lowered the platform beneath Shepard as the citadel shifted into new formations. "Goodbye."

Groggy and unmoving, she watched the purple static pulse faster, struggling to keep up with her rapid descent. Dying on the human homeworld was probably better anyway, after everything. Her body might even provide some peace for her friends. Before the final fight, she had managed to say a last goodbye to everybody, thankfully. Somehow she knew winning this would cost her her life, it was worth it. Still, the compulsion to hold on, bear through the pain and exhaustion and make it out alive was strong. It always was. Since the attack on Mindoir, Shepard had no quit button. Losing that much so young taught her she wasn't safe unless she made herself safe. If you quit you lose. Even in the throws of victory you can't think its over. You have to be ready for the next big fight. Survive this because you're needed for next guy, and he's tougher. That's how she became the person she was, and she now she had finally reached that final boss battle Mindoir was preparing her for. Nothing would be tougher than the reapers. There wasn't a bigger fight waiting for her this time. It was time to let it all go.

The transport beam flickered a rough trajectory path back down into London. It struggled and shut down just short of its fare reaching the planet's surface. Shepard fell the last few feet. Instinctively, she twisted onto her back and threw her arms into the ground to absorb the shock. Broken arms were better than a broken spine. The soldier huffed as new pain reverberated up into her shoulders and neck. It was short lived. Legs were going numb. Hands too. The purple wave caught up with her and shot off into the distance. It was warm as it passed over her, tingling sensations penetrated her skin, right down to the bone. Then she was hit with the destruction in its wake. Rubble and debris kicked up behind it, cascading over her sorry state and burying her from view. She did nothing to protect herself, it was too quick for her delayed reactions to compensate for. Hopefully it wouldn't do too much damage to the galaxy, she thought numbly. The Catalyst's warning replayed in her ear, "Some synthetics may not survive the transition and the mass relays may be significantly damaged." It was still the right choice. She had to believe they could rebuild, surely if they could piece together the crucible of all things they could fix the relays. EDI should be able to survive this too. She was already powerful, already survived a major transition, Shepard believed the A.I would pass this challenge too. There was nothing left for her to do, or to worry about. Everything was going to work out fine. As the muted cries of battle morphed into the cries of victory above her, Commander Shepard smiled peacefully and let herself slip into the void.

~ Normandy ~

"Major Alenko?" Admiral Hackett's image stepped into view over the war-room vid comms. "Its good to see you."

"Admiral Hackett, Sir." Kaidan saluted. "The feeling is mutual."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Crash landed on Benning, in the jungle biome, Sir. Took us a while to make repairs and take back to the skies. I hope we didn't miss too much."

"You managed to avoid most of the rebuilding efforts. You should make it back just in time to reap the rewards of our hard work."

"I'm disappointed the Normandy team couldn't be there to help out, Sir."

"As am I, Major, it will damn good to have you have you back. The Charon relay is working order, get yourselves back to Sol ASAP."

"Will do Admiral, we're on our way. Before you go, if I may, I wanted to ask..."

"Commander Shepard?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry son. We recovered her body a few months back. We can discuss it further when you arrive home. Alliance command tried to contact you, some of the past Normandy crew held a small service. Diana Allers broadcast some of it galaxy wide. Its not on the extranet but if you'd like I can get the footage sent to your private quarters."

"Sir."

"I'll have it with you shortly. She got it done, Major. Good job, your crew did a hell of a thing. Hackett out."

Kaidan leant heavily on the console. How could he tell the crew? Everybody was so happy to be headed back home. They knew she and Anderson couldn't have made it, but hope was a funny thing. Thank goodness he had been able to see the Commander one last time back on Earth, say his piece. There was always more left unsaid, he wished he had had more time. It was hard enough to have said goodbye when he thought he would have been the one not coming home. He should have had the courage to let her know, she was still the one. They spoke about it at Huerta, but she should have known going into that fight how he truly felt. There would never be another, not really. With a troubled sigh, he resigned to the fact that he couldn't tell his crewmates about this. Not yet. It was his duty to tell them when it was right, not just to tell them. There was too much fresh joy. He didn't need to kill that. Instead, Kaidan quietly bypassed the CIC and headed straight to his cabin, Shepard's cabin. Until now he had stayed in Crew Quarters. It didn't seem right move in on her space so quickly. In his heart he was hoping to hand the Normandy back to her rightful owner. It was time to take his place and claim that deck as his own.

Kaiden stepped mournfully into the cabin. "Hey little guy." he gently tapped the hamster home and refilled the food bowl. "Don't even know your name. I'm sorry." He turned and sat at the private terminal. There were hundreds of unopened messages flashing away. None of them were for him, he didn't feel right opening them even now. He scrolled to the top waiting for Hackett's attachment to appear. To his right, he noticed a couple of photo frames. He flipped the picture of Garrus face down. Would that have been his face on her desk? If he hadn't messed it all up on Horizon? Probably. The other held the image of both Garrus and Shepard together at a bar on the Silversun Strip. It was the rarest sight, the Commander in a dress, but damn was it a good one. Kaidan wanted to keep that photo, cut it in half and keep the image of the woman he still loved, but he knew it wasn't right. It was also damn creepy. He would take it to Vakarian, when he was ready to break the news. Hopefully it would soften the blow. Everything else he would keep the same. He wasn't sure if he managed to put it all back in the right place after the crash, but it looked like it made sense.

The message terminal pinged. Kaidan's heart skipped a beat and sat heavy in his chest. It was the vid he had been waiting for and dreading. "Come on!" He muttered to himself. It started to play. Samara stood solemnly at a podium, she took a breath. Kaidan paused it immediately. Closed the file. Opened the file. Sighed. Closed the file. He wasn't ready yet. Instead he placed his shoes in the cupbaord neatly and reclined on the bed. Maybe after a quick nap, he would be in a better headspace. The soft sheets still held the scent of the commander. It was comforting. Ready to settle, he reached for the reading material on the nightstand. Fornax! Ew! He wasn't trying to give himself any new nightmares. She would have laughed. "Thanks for that Shepard."


	4. Sol 2187

~ Chapter Four ~  
~ Sol 2187 ~

Too many names. Kaidan shook his head at the memorial wall onboard the Normandy. This was the cost of just one ship. Not just any ship, a surviving ship, the frigate that won the war. The sheer magnitude of lives lost to the victory was unimaginable in that moment. With the dust settling, the picture was becoming harrowingly clear. The physical damage of the attempted harvest could be repaired, but the psychological effects would scar generations to come. His gaze dropped to his hands. He was clutching a long, rectangular box. A morbid, unwelcome thing. Inside were two more name plaques that he wished he didn't have to carry. Too many names parted from their owners.

The Normandy had at last entered the Sol system. She wasn't the same since the crash, but she was spaceworthy and recognisable. So much technology had become unresponsive or unreliable. Goodness only knows whether or not they would have made it off of Benning without EDI's help. How long had it been now? It must have been almost a year. A year free of the reapers. None of it seemed real. Time felt different to Kaidan, being cut off from the galaxy and everything he knew altered his reality a little. Coincidence shifted to conspiracy too easily in relative isolation. Take the crash site for example. They just happened to land on Benning? One of the only places they could have hoped to find components to repair the Normandy. Not just that, a planet where they could access enough levo and dextro nutrition to survive this long. It wasn't until he had spoken to Hackett that he discovered how few mass relays had been returned to basic working order. Of course, they just so happened to be in luck there as well. If anybody could overhear his thoughts he was certain they would assume he had lost his mind. Maybe the Normandy wasn't the only one that wasn't the same since the crash.

Admiral Hackett had made contact around a week ago. The crew were still unaware they wouldn't be reuniting with their Commander. The Major wasn't the type to shy away from difficult decisions, or even difficult discussions. Speaking his mind back on Horizon was awful, but it had to be done. This though? He was far too aware of what he was taking away from his crew, his friends. He knew many of them still truly believed Shepard was alive and waiting for them back on Earth. To them she was indestructable, a constant. He had to admit, she had proved about as hard to kill as the reaper force itself. That constant was the hardest thing to lose. Kaidan knew nobody wanted to face the fact that although they were finally on their way home, home wasn't something they knew anymore. Not even the Citadel was in the same place. Imagine the outrage years ago if the council races knew that one day their hub of civilisation and politics would reside over the human homeworld. Probably would have resulted in a whole separate war. Hindsight was a crazy thing. If only he had known how things were going to play out, perhaps he wouldn't have let her slip away from him. What a waste. A waste of the last years he had to spend with her, a waste of their love. Kaidan thought he had reached full closure on the matter after Shepard came to visit him at Huerta. That talk meant a lot. Now though? Now there was a vast expanse of words unsaid. Old regrets dragging themselves back into view. He screwed up. He screwed everything up. He released an angry sigh and pressed his forehead against the memorial. A familiar tension curled forcefully in his chest. One word repeated in his head. Why? Why? Why? With each repetition he softly knocked his head against the names of the lost, as if it would rid the question from his mind. Why did he waste it all? He could have rejoined the Normandy then and there. She offered without hesitation. If he could have known then, he would have trusted her like he should have. Wouldn't he? Would he have left the Alliance? Sluggishly, he straightened up and pulled away from the wall. No, he probably wouldn't. But he still wished he had. It was more conflicting and frustrating now than ever before. Damn he didn't realise he was still this hung up on her. It was kind of healing to see her happy with Garrus. Maybe he misunderstood that feeling. What he thought was 'getting over' the woman he loved may actually have simply been taking a genuine solace in seeing her happy. This was such an inappropriate train of thought, he needed rid of it. In fact, not just this train of thought. Forget Benning, forget what might have been, forget conspiracy. Kaidan had to get his head back in the game. One thing was sure to take his mind off of it all - calling this godforsaken meeting. Too long overdue.

"EDI, Joker." Kaidan used his best Alliance voice. "Time to make a pit-stop. I need the team to gather by the memorial before we head into Earth control."

"Understood, Major." EDI responded.

Her vocal intonations and cadences had started to change over the past few days, he noticed. EDI was sounding a lot more like Joker, a lot more human for want of a better word. Nobody was talking about it. Nobody was acknowedging the fact that she had shut down for over three hours, then sprang back to life as if nothing had happened. Everybody had their head buried in the sand. As close as they honestly were after serving and then basically colonising the jungle of Benning, people weren't coming together to figure out what was going on, or even what the crucible had done to win the war. What Shepard had done. Kaidan thought back to the loss of 'home'. He didn't want to accept that things across the galaxy had changed. A change that big was too far from comfort to live up to the win he wanted. Until they had all the details, there was no telling how big the sacrifice had been. 'Stop it Kaidan.' He quietly corrected himself. Again, this wasn't the time to start thinking too broadly. Defiantly turning his back to the wall he poised himself, hoping he looked confident and composed for the team when they began to gather.

"As you all aware, we are finally rejoining our galaxy. Tomorrow, we will enter Earth's atmosphere. There are countless friendly faces eagerly awaiting us, and work still to be done." Kaidan was trying for a Shepard worthy speech. "I have been in contact with Admiral Hackett, and while I don't have all the details, its time we all got up to speed and started to prepare ourselves for what we will face down there. We still don't understand exactly how the Crucible worked. Yes, it eliminated the reaper threat, but there were unforeseen consequences. The relays were badly damaged, communications were severely disrupted, many forms of synthetic life were targeted along with the reapers. We have lost an indeterminate percentage of our newfound Geth allies along with most of our own artificial intelligence units and projects. It even caused the death of a number of Quarian, having affected their enviro-suit functionality." He paused, wishing he had just played Admiral Hackett's galaxy wide speech broadcast. It sounded a lot cooler the way he had said it. "Thankfully, although we lost her for a while, our friend EDI is back with us." He gestured gently towards EDI, tucking the offending box under his arm. "If its alright with you, the Alliance requests your help in exploring and understanding any longterm affects this has had on both yourself and wider synthetic life. Tali, your skills have also been requested on this project." One of the priorities upon their arrival was to help ensure a blanket peace between organic and synthetic life. A large part of that was continuing to broker trust in the wake of such devastation. "Much of the damage has been rebuilt in our absence, thanks to the collective knowledge gained during the construction of the Crucible, and the welcome aid of the Geth. Things will return to normal, maybe even better than before." Here came the hard part. "Not everything though." Kaidan drew attention to the box. He held it up a little in front of him. "Admiral Hackett has confirmed two names that we need to honour. Two more names to be remembered and displayed with pride on the great Normandy memorial. The final two. After tonight, we won't ever need to add to this." As he spoke, Kaidan pried the lid away and lifted out the first name plaque. "Admiral David Anderson. The Normandy's original Captain." Kaidan thought back to Eden Prime and even earlier. He had respected Anderson in a way that differed from his other superiors. He took a lot from his time serving with him, on this very ship. He had helped to develop Kaidan's strong moral compass along with the integrity to defend it. "One of the greatest heroes of both the reaper war and the history of the Alliance. With us from the beginning to the end. Although no body has been recovered, Admiral Anderson's tags were discovered around the wreckage of the Citadel. And, the final casualty... I know you've all figured it out by now." They must know. Not that it made it any easier. He looked wordlessly at the name of the woman he recently realised his love for. "Our Commander Shepard." Thoughts stopped flowing, his mind stagnating. "Sorry, I did prepare words, but..." he trailed off. "She was found on Earth." Falling into line among his crew, Kaidan handed the plaque to a very quiet turian. "Garrus, here. You do the honours."

Garrus stepped towards the wall, running his hand softly across the name of his girlfriend. It should be him. He never left her side, unlike Kaidan. The symbolic gesture would no doubt have been missed by Garrus, but Kaidan was trying to hand over his remaining tie to Shepard. Instead, it only provided further regret that he had ever foolishly handed her over to the arms of another in the first place. Heads bowed as Garrus wavered. Silently, the turian stood a little taller, turning back to face his friends. Liara stepped towards him, and placed her hand on his arm.

"I... have been doing everything I can to confirm or deny this." She began. "I wish I could say otherwise. Shepard gave her life for the war, for all of us. She saved not just our cycle, but countless others that may have followed. The galaxy will never forget her name. We will never forget the person behind that name. I don't know what else to say." Of course the Shadow Broker of all people probably knew about Shepard before Hackett first appeared on vidcom. Garrus held onto the plaque defiantly and headed back towards his main battery. As he marched away, Kaidan watched with a small and unexpected rush of positivity. It should have been sad to see a friend unable to accept death, but Garrus seemed more like his old self in that moment. A resolve and determination had clearly been left on Earth, now that they were close Garrus had picked it straight back up. Good for him. Although, it would be a hell of a distance to fall.

Parting ways to grieve privately, the Normandy crew settled in for the night, ready to be received as heroes upon planetfall the next day.

~ London - October 2186 ~

As a purple energy burst expands across the sky, a hurried voice crackles over unstable communications.

"The Illusive Man's instructions were clear. He may be dead, but nothing has changed. Deploy the nearest undercover Alliance agent now. We need to get in and out fast if we're to make the body switch. There's no room for error."


End file.
